I Die Looking At You

You look gorgeous to me 

when you are home 

not lady like 

not dolled up 


without make-up 

or even slight touch-up



and then you lift your elbows 

to tie back your hair 

without bothering you are being watched 

is the moment I die looking at you 

only to be re-born to look at you again

and die again. 


© Kumar Gautam




I know there will never be a next time for us 

to meet again. 


I know we are not going to see each other 

ever again. 


I know I need to suppress the child in me and behave 

like a man. 


I know the emotions inside me are upsurging but I cannot exhibit 

the pain. 


I wish someone had taught me how to end things 

when things aren’t worth end. 


© Kumar Gautam

Roommates To Lovers And Back

Shattered in our respective love 

we both friends 

decided to live together as roommates.

I had the soft you 

you had the strong me

to take us away 

from our dreadful memories. 

Soon the broken hearts healed 

and dreams galore. 

We had our hearts beating deep 

against each other. 

Tomorrow looked better

and we lost ourselves into each other. 

We laughed on our incredible journey 

from being friends to roommates to lovers. 


It was sort of rebirth, 

falling in love. 

We were back 

taking on the world with vengeance. 

We crawled into each other and became one. 

Oh! it was all amazing man!

The journey of becoming house mate to soulmate. 

We had a beautiful run.

Ahh! The experience of being one.   


But we forgot the fact that 

if you can fall in for someone 

you can fall out too. 

It was unexpected, unwanted 

but it came knocking

just happened.

Emotions ebbed and flowed, 

the tingling feeling, 

the stomach churning

was all gone. 


We fall out of fantasy

boredom creeped in 

love became cold   

and we were back being from lovers to room-mates.  

The door on our romantic relationship is locked

and we have lost the keys too. 


© Kumar Gautam


Image : Gurdyal Singh



It’s better to suffer in love 

then not love. 

It’s better to bear the pain 

then live in nothingness. 

It’s better to bleed

then to remain contaminated and stored. 

It’s better to be messy

then to be born-breathe-dry-die. 

It’s better to erupt 

then to flow molten yet look cold. 

It’s better to cry a thousand tears 

then freeze to be numb.

It’s better to remember memories 

then to get lost in thoughts. 

It’s better to be sacrificed 

then die a slow death. 


© Kumar Gautam

Maze Of Our Love

The commotion of my emotion 

is creating confusion 

as I am getting entangled in the mystery that is you

while walking through the maze of our love.


I know I am lost 

but that’s the treasure of having you in my life 

that reward is my prize 

I am ready to live with and die for.  


My existence is you. 

my wisdom is you, my love. 

You are labyrinth, 

ruined I am to have your sight

yet i can sense you all the time in my heart. 


The puzzle, 

the ongoing game, 

the longing, 

my wings of imagination, 

love nest 

and my heart in your soul’s cage

enough of love tests

let not my love be erased. 


Unveil the secret passage to your heart, 

let me hold it with my hands and feel it.

Let me commit a crime that provides me a seat

deep inside your heart. 

let me cry, let me glow 

let me be lost, merge in slow.  


Before the contradictions galore, 

before people question our love,

reveal the uniqueness of you and our love.

Let the quest be quenched, 

world blinded with love and scent of romance.

Before my tears dry, heart is shelled

meet me at the end of the labyrinth. 


© Kumar Gautam

One Last Attempt

You the one with filthy heart, 

you couldn’t see the real me!

I opened my heart to nurse your heart 

and you selfishly walked away 

leaving me vulnerable



The reality is love can’t be forced. 

It’s difficult to stay calm and think logic, 

my mind has been taken hostage, 

heart butchered in pieces, 

I am on display publicly under social prism,

yet I stand patient. 


Never thought love could cripple me.

I stand weak 

begging one last time.

Come complete me

else burn me to charr

then my spirit will write my love story.


© Kumar Gautam