Love After Breakup

1.

Things were never ok between us

and we both knew it.

Since I always proclaim myself to be righteous

and brave. I gave the man in me

a chance to play ‘strong’.

Me being articulate and smooth talker,

considered by her as well

I thought I will make her understand

there’s a mess and we are part of it

“Let’s be mature good adults and finish it.”

 

I completed.

Silence shrieked in ears.

I could see tear droplets dropping and drooling on her naked thighs,

sliding down all the way to toe and whatever identity it was left with,

it wet the floor.

I had no courage to look into her eyes,

I prefered to look down and watch the final destiny of tears.

She wept and said, “I always knew you will do something like this. Why you had to start it all when you had envisioned end to be something like this?”

 

I pretended to be strong. Kept quiet.

Men and women around judged me.

The dog sitting besides,  barked and walked off

staring at me.

Any other day, those tears were most precious entities

to be wasted on humanity.

But that day, I just let her cry.

Half an hour and I said, “I need to go”.

I walked her to the cab.

No hugs, no kisses, a half-open mouthed almost inaudible goodbye. She left.

I took a deep sigh, “it was hard, but I did it.”.

One last thought of her and I mumbled, “she will thank me for this, after all one of us had to bring an end to it.”

 

2.

They say it’s hard to find new friends as you grow up.

She was not my BFF but certainly she wasn’t KOF*.

Who wants to loose a friend after building certain consistency and that too in 30’s.

We stayed in touch.

We met, we joked

laughed like school buddies

“How silly are we? We hate and miss each other with same intensity…”

 

One meeting, endless talks

and the emotions gushed in new zeal.

We were back together.

She was happy, she got what she wanted – me.

Her happiness meant again world to me.

 

But I being always self-righteous

let me proclaim, again, I know the reality.

The shrilling pain will pinch again,

we will go through similar emotional drill.

As one grows-up, one understands,

there are certain things not meant to be

but their memories are enough to glee

when days would be sultry.

But then Love is a bigger responsibility.

Sex can be casual and forgotten, love can’t be.

© Kumar Gautam

Photo: Quests Shippe

*KOF – Kind of friend.

 

Significant Other

You dumped me boy 

and I was gutted. 

 

You didn’t like 

the confident me

who talks her mind

pays her bills 

picks her luggage 

and demands orgasm. 

 

Your friends exclaimed 

how can there be someone 

as good as she? 

“The bitch is pretending”

and you played being man 

and choose friends over me. 

 

You should have known boy

I nurtured our relationship 

took it serious 

put efforts

for it to last forever

and I had no reasons to fake.  

 

I wasn’t acting a typical girl 

playing love games. 

Those hide and seek 

you please me-I please you 

I pretend to be upset 

and you run honking like a goose.  

 

I had no doubt in my mind 

that we won’t together shine 

What my friends called sacrifice 

I named it love virtue

While you thought me and you, two  

we were one, unison in my heart and mind. 

 

Well, let me clear the clouds 

and pronounce my worth. 

If life is a gamble, 

you were a tiny gamble. 

While you keep looking 

for that “bad” girl who looks good  

I have already found my another, ‘significant other’. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

 

Photo Courtesy: 500px.com

Dolor

It’s strange, 

I didn’t even hug you, touch you or even shook hands. 

But the moment I saw you, I knew 

you were my other half. 

I bet it was not my forlornness. 

 

You are the mystic healer 

my bleeding heart was looking for. 

A heart crushed under the weight of past;

a heart full of pain, guilt and regret.  

 

Your mysterious eyes 

looked for the blue devil within me 

as if trying to exorcise the melancholy out of me

and flash in delightful love. 

 

But I wonder 

how long will you keep loving my scars 

that I am ashamed of.  

At some point of time your heart will repulse 

the odour of my rotten past. 

 

Still if you can take a little trouble 

a bit of dolor, 

I promise you 

I will be slave to your love 

in this journey of life.   

 

© Kumar Gautam

Cynical Romantic

Hopeless romantic

To tell you the truth, 

I am not easy to love. 

But your presence makes me vulnerable

and I don’t mind admitting my messed past.

 

Love scares me. 

I never wanted to start with you. 

Rejections, dejections 

have made me cynical romantic. 

 

But when you hold my hands 

I hear your voice 

you look at me

I am tempted 

not to let you go even for a second. 

 

I am someone 

caught in my own puzzle. 

Can i just cling to your chest and cry for no reasons. 

Can i trust you and give myself another chance. 

Can I just fall in love again. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

 

Photo: 500px.com

Messy Woman

She loves complicated love

Messy woman 

You just love the mess, don’t you? 

You don’t follow a pattern 

you love chaos, bumpy ride

fluctuations and instability. 

You love complexities 

and complicate love. 

World says complicated things are horrifying 

but to me, you complicated woman 

you are fascinating.

 

Though you are not so easy, 

you beautiful mystery. 

You turn love into puzzle 

but you are definitely worth the trouble.

You make my mind work 

as love is some work 

demanding love maintenance    

creating adventurous love story. 

 

For others you may be unpleasant 

they may call you ordinary 

but to me you are toxic yet addictive 

just like morphine 

you my endorphin. 

You are my loose t-shirt and shorts 

that i can wear anytime assured.

 

To tell you the truth 

it might be horrifying to be back with others 

then to be back together with you. 

Nah, there ain’t any question of self-esteem 

it’s not only I coming back to you 

it’s also you coming back to me.

 

I know it is hard to love you, 

harder at times to understand.

You do make beautiful memories bitter 

but that creates in me interest. 

You are no less than a story 

that is easy to read and hard to understand. 

 

Complicated woman

You are messy, you want to be messy 

so lets set out to make a messier love story. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

Photo courtesy: 500px.com

Dusk Of Our Love

Burnt Love

I am not a chandler 

but I picked up the hobby of making candles

as you walked in my life. 

We together made our first candle

colourful, aromatic 

and light it up. 

Today first thing in the morning 

I went to see the candle

‘It must be emitting  light’,

symbolising our love eternal. 

Alas, it had already breathed last. 

Leftover wax covered in soot 

was around to be seen.

The aroma could still be felt

on stressing olfactory nerves

but the wick had turned into ashes.

I realised, how funny it is! 

We beautified candle but forgot to strengthen the wick!

This morning was dawn to the world 

and dusk of our     

love story that was not to be named. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

Photo courtesy: 500px.com

Hiding in Coffin

Hiding in Coffin

Frozen, protected and stored

living I am…

Scared of being spent.


I quarantine and nourish my thoughts properly

to use it for my benefit.

When time will travel,

and miracles will happen

then I will not talk

the language of my thoughts would be harnessed

decoded for the betterment of civilization.

At the helm would be I, the human.

© Kumar Gautam

Photo credit: 500px.com