Roommates To Lovers And Back

Shattered in our respective love 

we both friends 

decided to live together as roommates.

I had the soft you 

you had the strong me

to take us away 

from our dreadful memories. 

Soon the broken hearts healed 

and dreams galore. 

We had our hearts beating deep 

against each other. 

Tomorrow looked better

and we lost ourselves into each other. 

We laughed on our incredible journey 

from being friends to roommates to lovers. 

 

It was sort of rebirth, 

falling in love. 

We were back 

taking on the world with vengeance. 

We crawled into each other and became one. 

Oh! it was all amazing man!

The journey of becoming house mate to soulmate. 

We had a beautiful run.

Ahh! The experience of being one.   

 

But we forgot the fact that 

if you can fall in for someone 

you can fall out too. 

It was unexpected, unwanted 

but it came knocking

just happened.

Emotions ebbed and flowed, 

the tingling feeling, 

the stomach churning

was all gone. 

 

We fall out of fantasy

boredom creeped in 

love became cold   

and we were back being from lovers to room-mates.  

The door on our romantic relationship is locked

and we have lost the keys too. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

 

Image : Gurdyal Singh

 

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Slay

It’s better to suffer in love 

then not love. 

It’s better to bear the pain 

then live in nothingness. 

It’s better to bleed

then to remain contaminated and stored. 

It’s better to be messy

then to be born-breathe-dry-die. 

It’s better to erupt 

then to flow molten yet look cold. 

It’s better to cry a thousand tears 

then freeze to be numb.

It’s better to remember memories 

then to get lost in thoughts. 

It’s better to be sacrificed 

then die a slow death. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

Maze Of Our Love

The commotion of my emotion 

is creating confusion 

as I am getting entangled in the mystery that is you

while walking through the maze of our love.

 

I know I am lost 

but that’s the treasure of having you in my life 

that reward is my prize 

I am ready to live with and die for.  

 

My existence is you. 

my wisdom is you, my love. 

You are labyrinth, 

ruined I am to have your sight

yet i can sense you all the time in my heart. 

 

The puzzle, 

the ongoing game, 

the longing, 

my wings of imagination, 

love nest 

and my heart in your soul’s cage

enough of love tests

let not my love be erased. 

 

Unveil the secret passage to your heart, 

let me hold it with my hands and feel it.

Let me commit a crime that provides me a seat

deep inside your heart. 

let me cry, let me glow 

let me be lost, merge in slow.  

 

Before the contradictions galore, 

before people question our love,

reveal the uniqueness of you and our love.

Let the quest be quenched, 

world blinded with love and scent of romance.

Before my tears dry, heart is shelled

meet me at the end of the labyrinth. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

One Last Attempt

You the one with filthy heart, 

you couldn’t see the real me!

I opened my heart to nurse your heart 

and you selfishly walked away 

leaving me vulnerable

betrayed. 

 

The reality is love can’t be forced. 

It’s difficult to stay calm and think logic, 

my mind has been taken hostage, 

heart butchered in pieces, 

I am on display publicly under social prism,

yet I stand patient. 

 

Never thought love could cripple me.

I stand weak 

begging one last time.

Come complete me

else burn me to charr

then my spirit will write my love story.

 

© Kumar Gautam

Love After Breakup

1.

Things were never ok between us

and we both knew it.

Since I always proclaim myself to be righteous

and brave. I gave the man in me

a chance to play ‘strong’.

Me being articulate and smooth talker,

considered by her as well

I thought I will make her understand

there’s a mess and we are part of it

“Let’s be mature good adults and finish it.”

 

I completed.

Silence shrieked in ears.

I could see tear droplets dropping and drooling on her naked thighs,

sliding down all the way to toe and whatever identity it was left with,

it wet the floor.

I had no courage to look into her eyes,

I prefered to look down and watch the final destiny of tears.

She wept and said, “I always knew you will do something like this. Why you had to start it all when you had envisioned end to be something like this?”

 

I pretended to be strong. Kept quiet.

Men and women around judged me.

The dog sitting besides,  barked and walked off

staring at me.

Any other day, those tears were most precious entities

to be wasted on humanity.

But that day, I just let her cry.

Half an hour and I said, “I need to go”.

I walked her to the cab.

No hugs, no kisses, a half-open mouthed almost inaudible goodbye. She left.

I took a deep sigh, “it was hard, but I did it.”.

One last thought of her and I mumbled, “she will thank me for this, after all one of us had to bring an end to it.”

 

2.

They say it’s hard to find new friends as you grow up.

She was not my BFF but certainly she wasn’t KOF*.

Who wants to loose a friend after building certain consistency and that too in 30’s.

We stayed in touch.

We met, we joked

laughed like school buddies

“How silly are we? We hate and miss each other with same intensity…”

 

One meeting, endless talks

and the emotions gushed in new zeal.

We were back together.

She was happy, she got what she wanted – me.

Her happiness meant again world to me.

 

But I being always self-righteous

let me proclaim, again, I know the reality.

The shrilling pain will pinch again,

we will go through similar emotional drill.

As one grows-up, one understands,

there are certain things not meant to be

but their memories are enough to glee

when days would be sultry.

But then Love is a bigger responsibility.

Sex can be casual and forgotten, love can’t be.

© Kumar Gautam

Photo: Quests Shippe

*KOF – Kind of friend.

 

Significant Other

You dumped me boy 

and I was gutted. 

 

You didn’t like 

the confident me

who talks her mind

pays her bills 

picks her luggage 

and demands orgasm. 

 

Your friends exclaimed 

how can there be someone 

as good as she? 

“The bitch is pretending”

and you played being man 

and choose friends over me. 

 

You should have known boy

I nurtured our relationship 

took it serious 

put efforts

for it to last forever

and I had no reasons to fake.  

 

I wasn’t acting a typical girl 

playing love games. 

Those hide and seek 

you please me-I please you 

I pretend to be upset 

and you run honking like a goose.  

 

I had no doubt in my mind 

that we won’t together shine 

What my friends called sacrifice 

I named it love virtue

While you thought me and you, two  

we were one, unison in my heart and mind. 

 

Well, let me clear the clouds 

and pronounce my worth. 

If life is a gamble, 

you were a tiny gamble. 

While you keep looking 

for that “bad” girl who looks good  

I have already found my another, ‘significant other’. 

 

© Kumar Gautam

 

Photo Courtesy: 500px.com