Things were never ok between us
and we both knew it.
Since I always proclaim myself to be righteous
and brave. I gave the man in me
a chance to play ‘strong’.
Me being articulate and smooth talker,
considered by her as well
I thought I will make her understand
there’s a mess and we are part of it
“Let’s be mature good adults and finish it.”
Silence shrieked in ears.
I could see tear droplets dropping and drooling on her naked thighs,
sliding down all the way to toe and whatever identity it was left with,
it wet the floor.
I had no courage to look into her eyes,
I prefered to look down and watch the final destiny of tears.
She wept and said, “I always knew you will do something like this. Why you had to start it all when you had envisioned end to be something like this?”
I pretended to be strong. Kept quiet.
Men and women around judged me.
The dog sitting besides, barked and walked off
staring at me.
Any other day, those tears were most precious entities
to be wasted on humanity.
But that day, I just let her cry.
Half an hour and I said, “I need to go”.
I walked her to the cab.
No hugs, no kisses, a half-open mouthed almost inaudible goodbye. She left.
I took a deep sigh, “it was hard, but I did it.”.
One last thought of her and I mumbled, “she will thank me for this, after all one of us had to bring an end to it.”
They say it’s hard to find new friends as you grow up.
She was not my BFF but certainly she wasn’t KOF*.
Who wants to loose a friend after building certain consistency and that too in 30’s.
We stayed in touch.
We met, we joked
laughed like school buddies
“How silly are we? We hate and miss each other with same intensity…”
One meeting, endless talks
and the emotions gushed in new zeal.
We were back together.
She was happy, she got what she wanted – me.
Her happiness meant again world to me.
But I being always self-righteous
let me proclaim, again, I know the reality.
The shrilling pain will pinch again,
we will go through similar emotional drill.
As one grows-up, one understands,
there are certain things not meant to be
but their memories are enough to glee
when days would be sultry.
But then Love is a bigger responsibility.
Sex can be casual and forgotten, love can’t be.
© Kumar Gautam
Photo: Quests Shippe
*KOF – Kind of friend.